my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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