I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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