You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Randomize
