I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
