I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize