...so i touched it.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Houston, we have a squirter
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Randomize
