I think i peed on brittanys purse
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
