See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
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