I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
