Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Enjoy the penises
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
