dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
There r osticjed everywhere
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Is Oprah even human
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
