guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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