whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
