Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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