I can't watch pbs sober anymore
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Randomize
