I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Randomize
