I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
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