i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
do herpes really smell.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
