Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
Randomize
