Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
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