This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
