how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
i out mim tonsoeep
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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