All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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