Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
