Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Randomize
