hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize