Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Randomize
