i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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