I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize