If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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