It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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