Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
Betty ford says i'm here all night
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
