How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Randomize
