If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Randomize