The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
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