so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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