i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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