I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
Too much gin, very little bucket
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
