Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
it glows. i had to have it.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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