I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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