He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
