Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
