it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Randomize
