Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
