i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
