my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
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