are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize