I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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