And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Randomize
