i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Randomize
