I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
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