All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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