I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
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