I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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