so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
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