I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
