dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Randomize
