guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Randomize
