I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
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