She is in my trunk
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Randomize
