just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Randomize
