You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
