P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
