youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
she peed on how many people?
His hands were made for my vagina.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
