C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Randomize
