meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Randomize
