Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
