I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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