when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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