can we get nightvision for the apartment?
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
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