I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Randomize
