Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize
