do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
