I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
Randomize
