I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
they're like a gay fantastic four
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Randomize
