need another drink. this is the easiest way
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize
